


then you’re left in the dust

by mxnia



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, can be read as established relationship or pre-slash or just mates, whatever you want really, will also misses alex, will is on tour and alex misses him a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 19:33:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18350267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxnia/pseuds/mxnia
Summary: Will laughs quietly through Alex's speakers. The poor signal makes it come out a little cracked, and Alex thinks that it’s very fitting for the situation. There's concern glowing in Will's eyes, shining into the dim light of Alex's room. "I'll be home before you know it," Will whispers. "I promise."•Alex misses Will whilst he’s on tour. They talk over facetime, and Alex finally gets to sleep.Based on Alex’s tweet “life fell a part when Will went off to tour”.





	then you’re left in the dust

**Author's Note:**

> also on wattpad https://my.w.tt/c81GVXTiCV
> 
> also sorry about the lack of capitals!! i wrote this with auto-caps off and couldn’t be bothered to add them in oops.

alex doesn't know how he let himself get to this point. it's almost 4am and he's wide awake, staring up at his ceiling and desperately trying to blink back tears. it wouldn't be too bad of a situation, really, if he was crying over something a little less stupid. but no, alex's brain has decided to have a full on meltdown all just because he misses will.

it feels utterly pathetic; it's only been four days, but alex really does miss him. alex misses him so bad it burns. his heart physically aches, and there's this awful dropping feeling in his stomach, and it's all will lenney's fault.

he's starting to feel all choked up, a little bit shaky, and he knows it's the warning signs of a panic attack. alex just closes his eyes, feels warm tears fall down his face, and waits it out. 

it hurts. it hurts so bad, and alex is all alone. he's not sure if he'll ever not be alone again. he wants to scream and scream and scream, loud and disruptive into the undisturbed darkness of his room. but he doesn't. instead, he just lays in his bed and muffles his sobs with his pillow. 

at 5:08am, alex decides that he's had enough of suffering in silence. he opens up twitter and types out with rapidly shaking fingers, 'life fell a part when will went off to tour'. he's desperately clinging to the hope that expressing how he feels will finally be enough for his brain move on, stop thinking about will, and just let him fucking sleep. 

it doesn't. if anything, the replies only make him feel worse. alex begins to think that maybe he's being a little clingy right now, and he's probably just really annoying will. he adds, 'don't tell him i said that' to his tweet, unsure of what exactly that's going to do, but not really caring enough to delete either tweets. 

he's tired, he wants will back, and complaining on twitter is all he has left. if that makes alex clingy and annoying, then he'll just have to be clingy and annoying, because there's really nothing else he can do. 

there's no chance of alex getting to sleep tonight. he knows there isn't; not when he's still this shaky, not when his mouth stays desert dry regardless of how much water he drinks, not when he misses will like he would miss one of his own limbs. 

he decides that there's no point in just laying in bed, thinking about will and feeling sorry for himself, so he tries his best to do whatever little productive things he can find. he's not in the right state of mind to record a video, but he looks for some videos he and james can react to for we watch, looks at some equipment he could buy for the camp cast, and replies to a few comments on his last video.

every time alex has almost completely forgotten about will, he sees something that reminds him, and that awful dropping feeling in his stomach comes back, only slightly worse each time. it feels like will is galaxies away. it's all rather pathetic, really.

at 7:36am, the video alex is watching cuts out, and the screen is replaced by an incoming facetime call. the name of the caller simply reads 'will'. alex has never felt relief quite like this before. 

he presses the green button almost instantly, and when the call connects and alex is met with will beaming at him through the screen, he feels all the tension seep right out of him. he still feels the exhaustion aching through his bones, but he breathes with an ease that he hasn't felt all night.

will's smile reminds alex of the sun that's slowly rising outside his window; just as warm, and just as many lightyears away. alex thinks, bitterly, completely nonsensically, that the sun would never leave him to go on tour around the country. he's too tired try to understand what that's supposed to mean.

"heard you've been going 'round twitter telling everyone you miss us," will says, forgoing any normal sort of greeting. alex feels heat rising in his cheeks, but he can't help sitting there in absolute awe of will's casualness. for a painful second, alex wonders if will even misses him at all.

"maybe i was talking about a different will," alex teases. will laughs, more peaceful than any lullaby could hope to be.

"bullshit, mate. i know you've got no fucking friends," will says. everything feels like it's clicking back into place. this is the way things should be, alex thinks. this is the way he always wants them.

will stops laughing, and his tone turns more serious, but his smile stays bright as ever. "for real though, i miss you too, alex."

alex thinks his chest might explode. he's being torn apart by the warmth and the relief, by the stress and the love. will is such an infectious person, he thinks. if will was a disease, he wouldn't even hesitate to simply lie back and let it kill him.

"come back, then," is all alex can find to say. he knows he sounds selfish and childish. he knows it isn't fair. all he can do is hope that will allows him enough sympathy to overlook it.

will laughs quietly through alex's speakers. the poor signal makes it come out a little cracked, and alex thinks that's very fitting for the situation. there's concern glowing in will's eyes, shining into the dim light of alex's room. "i'll be home before you know it," will whispers. "i promise."

"please," alex replies, voice suddenly dry and scratchy. his eyes sting just at the thought of having will back, standing here right in front of him, making everything feel ok again.

will's smile drops. he looks a little bit heartbroken, like the life was suddenly pulled right out of him, and alex knows it's all his fault. 

"i'm not gonna lie, al," will says, voice serious and laced with worry. it makes alex want to squirm. it makes alex love will more than he ever thought was possible. "you don't look like you're doing too well. i bet you haven't even slept yet."

the words sting in a way alex can't quite figure out. they vibrate in his heart, and he feels the result of his hands beginning to shake. he swallows through the lump in his throat, determined to squeeze out whatever words he can manage. "i couldn't," alex sighs. the sentence hangs heavily in the air, too dense to float. "i... i missed you too much, i guess. couldn't stop thinking about it."

alex regrets saying it even as the words leave his mouth. he's being stupid, he tells himself. he's going to make will uncomfortable. he's going to scare will away, and then he will be well and truly gone, for good this time. 

will doesn't look scared. he looks more just like he wants to cry. alex hates himself a little bit for putting that distraught expression on will's face. 

"oh," is the only sound will makes. when it comes crackling through alex's iphone speakers, it sounds a little too much like defeat.

alex's skin is burning. he feels like he's dying of an invisible flesh wound that's impossible to patch up, only the blood pouring out is replaced by all of his ridiculous and embarrassing emotions. the only way to stay alive is to change the subject. "why are you up so early, anyway?" alex asks. "that's not like you at all."

will doesn't seem to relax. if anything his frown only tightens, and he raises his eyebrows. "me and stephen thought we should try and get an extra early rehearsal in," he explains nevertheless.

alex almost lets himself believe he's successfully saved the conversation, but realistically he knows that he's got no chance. will knows alex inside out, all too well to fall for such a clearly desperate attempt at changing the topic. 

"i'm here now. lay down. go to sleep," will says, impossibly soft, his voice soothing and instrumental. it reminds alex of an orchestra. the words sink into alex's soul, more comforting than anything whispered over facetime at seven in the morning should have any right to be. a calm stillness fills alex's body, and he thinks that maybe will's proposal doesn't sound all too impossible, as long as will stays right here with him.

alex has no idea how to put all of that into words. "please don't leave," he begs, sounding needy and childish for what feels like the thousandth time tonight, but being too completely exhausted to be able to care. he wants to sleep, and he wants to be with will, and the prospect of having both fills him with a peace he hasn't known since the morning he hugged will goodbye. 

will laughs. it's not a happy laugh, alex thinks, but he'll take what he can get. hit by the yellow light of the early morning sunrise, it looks incomprehensibly beautiful anyway. 

"i'm not leaving. i don't have to go for a while yet," will reassures. alex feels like he could cry with relief, but he doesn't. instead, he squeezes his eyes shut and finally lets his head sink into his pillow. he can tell that will is smiling slightly without even having to look. "i'm staying right here with you," will promises, the words clinging to alex's fading consciousness. he thinks he feels a tear trickle down his cheek, but it doesn't matter. nothing matters, as long as will doesn't leave him. 

"tell me about your tour, please?" alex mumbles, words muffled by a mixture of the pillow, the blanket, and alex's own tiredness. the room feels empty again without will's voice. alex's ribs feel brittle, his lungs bruised and swollen when they take in air without will. 

alex just needs to hear that will's happy; one of them has to be, and alex would always prefer that it's will. always. he deserves it more than alex ever will. 

"ok," will agrees easily, and he does. he tells alex about every little detail, filling every second of silence, just like he knows alex needs. his voice is alex's favourite lullaby.

it doesn't take long for alex to fall asleep. will keeps on talking anyway, right up until the very second he needs to leave. he stares at alex's face as he rests, slack and careless, young in a way he never looks when he's awake, and will realises right there that he would do anything to keep that boy happy. 

"i have to go do some actual work now, alright?" will says, clearly reluctant to leave. "but you can call me any time. you know that, right, alex? any time." will doesn't know what he's expecting. alex can't even hear him, but it doesn't feel right to leave without saying that. he hopes that alex just knows anyway, but the less optimistic side of him says that no, alex definitely doesn't know that, or he wouldn't of just let himself suffer like this all night long. the thought makes will's stomach drop painfully. his arms ache to wrap alex up in a tight hug, keeping him safe from all the awfulness of the world, and perhaps even more dangerous, the awfulness of alex's own head. 

"see you soon," will smiles, because 'goodbye' doesn't feel appropriate here. there's no need for goodbyes with him and alex, and there never will be. their souls are connected. they will never truly be without each other. will would never let alex be alone.

when will ends the call, he looks out of his hotel window and sees the sun pushing its way out from behind the masses of buildings, all yellow and blinding and never anything short of beautiful. he takes great comfort in the fact that he's looking at the same light that's illuminating alex's face as he sleeps, half way across the country. no matter how far away from each other they are, they will always been connected by the light.


End file.
